Being Brave - Trauma Recovery

"BE BRAVE. BE BRAVE. BE BRAVE"

This is the mantra I repeated to myself this morning when I decided to take a new route on my run.

Ever since I can remember I have been afraid of being alone in an unfamiliar place.

When I got to the root cause of this, (by reflecting and asking myself why I feel that way, where that came from, and when the first time I experienced that feeling was) I realised it was from the sexual abuse I survived as a child. Because I believed when I was alone, bad things happened to me.

It had then been reinforced when I was a teenager, by the guy who shoved me up against a wall in a maze when I got separated from my group. And the partner who put his hands around my neck while we were alone - I was in my twenties. Then finally, when I thought I had fought those demons, and a member of the community started stalking me in my adult years, I went right back there. It was bad to be alone.

BUT...

Part of me still wanted to live a good full life again. Part of me didn't want to believe that being alone was bad. Other people seemed to manage it and they were ok.

So I braved it.

I reached out for support again.

And I went for a run.

My confidence was briefly knocked by a group of adolescents who leaned out of their car and yelled lewd remarks at me. I don't know if they will ever know how much that scared me. But I was not going to give up.

I was a bit nervous when I went out for my next run. Ok, understatement of the century. I was a ball of anxious freaking out energy. But I still went out for a run. I love running, it brings me peace. I didn't want that to be taken away from me by the people who had hurt me.

And when I kept getting back up, when I kept fighting my own demons, I realised something profound.

No matter what happens to me. No one can ever break my spirit.

I will always be BRAVE.

I will always reach out for help if I need it.

I will always lead a full life.

And I hope you will too. Because you are stronger than you think.

BE BRAVE.

You don't have to start by doing something that really scares you. You can start small. Give it a go. Be brave today. I can honestly say, that feeling of conquering your nerves is definitely worth it.

P.s the new track I took being brave this morning was well worth the view!

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